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Joke of the Day

"Nicholas Cage is the same character in every movie he makes, except Face off where he was John Travolta."

"If by ""chivalry is dead"" you mean ""I put my coat in a puddle for my wife so she's making me do laundry for a week"" then yes chivalry is dead"

"What do you get when you cross the Atlantic with the Titanic? About half way"

"Don't judge someone because they sin differently than you."

"You can tell a lot about someone by the tank top they wear. For instance, if they wear a tank top, they're probably a dick."

"Women always had all the power over me on first dates, especially when they had googly eyes on their chest."

"Medication for depression ""may cause thoughts of suicide"". If this were so for all meds then: Diet Pills..may cause ravenous hunger"

"Why did they pull a lawsuit against the spa for their wax treatment? It was a ripoff."

"[interview for CIA] Your resume says you're a master in hand-to-hand wombat. Is that a typo or- *I've already thrown a wombat at his face*"

"Whatever, Twitter makes me a safer driver. Now I stop at every red light, even the lights that I think may change in the next minute or two."