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Joke of the Day

"You have to compliment boobs like a Christmas tree If they're real, tell them they look fake. If they're fake, tell them they look real"

"Hi, my name's Ray. I'll be drawing your blood today as soon as I finish this Capri Sun. *misses hole 4 times then punches straw through bag*"

"A man is setting his password to ""mypenis"" Error: Not long enough"

"My essay question is: ""The best Track and Field event is the one where they throw the circular object as far as they can."" ""Discus."""

"I was in a flash mob once. We'd mainly just hold people at gunpoint until they updated their Adobe."

"My friend said he'll shave his hair for the first time in forever... I told him it was a....*bold* move."

"I was flirting with an Asian girl at a bar last night when I decided to ask for her number. She replied, ""Sex! Sex! Sex! Free sex tonight!"" I said, ""Wow!"" Then her friend said, ""She means 6663629""."

"A Red Indian introduced me to his wife... ""This is four horses....."" I said, Wow, that's a beautiful name, What does it mean....?"" He said, nag,nag,nag,nag!"

"How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb? None. You don't need a lightbulb when you have a glass ceiling."

"Social media allows me to review all my mistakes in chronological order...with pictures."