196610

Joke of the Day

"Did you hear the energizer bunny was arrested? He went to court and was charged with battery."

"My teacher told me I should stop being consecutively late to school... I guess she can't handle people who are Re-tardy."

"Just went to the supermarket and swapped 50 raisins for 100 sultanas I can't believe the currant exchange rate."

"Your mother is so stupid, she thinks Moby Dick is a venereal disease."

"I almost always wear black. Not because I'm depressed or trying to be all dark, but because I'm single and don't want to separate laundry."

"What are red heads good for? Lighting fires."

"If a super villain attacks my house whose only weakness is leftover soy sauce packets from the take-out place, he is so fucked."

"I ate so much at Thanksgiving, I had to loosen my Fitbit. (Credit to my future mother-in-law for this suprise zinger)"

"Every time I delete a selfie, I imagine the sound of a Gremlin being burned alive by the sunlight."

"Another previously unknown dinosaur was the Thesaurus who used flowery language to confuse and disorient predators while he made his escape"