197773

Joke of the Day

"On Jeopardy This is the largest mammal in the animal kingdom. *leans into mic* ""Who is, your mother?"""

"They say to wait a few months before throwing down $1000+ on something, to see if you still want it. Unfortunately, my land lord doesn't seem to agree."

"The little lizard was shocked when he found out how he was conceived. Anole sex"

"Why do cows have hooves instead of feet? Because they lactose... Glutes( )"

"Taking my dog for a walk Taking my quadriplegic dog for a walk is a real drag."

"I'm thinking about having an open casket funeral... Remains to be seen. :D"

"Usain Bolt its so fast when he misses the bus He just waits at the next stop"

"When Jimmy Fallon started hosting The Tonight Show, Conan called him up to offer some advice... The first thing he said was: ""Kill your enemies and see them driven before you..."""

"Brought Turkey home from the deli and my wife yells ""I asked for Ham!"" Sorry, wrong sub."

"""No, no. No! NO!"" - guy who invented black ski masks after people started using them for robbing"