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Joke of the Day

"I went to the doctor and he said ""don't eat anything fatty."" I asked "" no bacon? No burgers?!"" To which he replied ""No fatty, just don't eat anything! """

"What's the difference between a cow and 9/11? I don't think Bush did a cow..."

"SHOUT OUT TO ALL THE WEATHER REPORTERS RISKING LIFE & LIMB SO WE CAN ALL KNOW WHAT A 130MPH HURRICANE LOOKS LIKE IN THE DARK!"

"What did one cannibal say to the other cannibal? I just passed your friend in the woods."

"""Is there a genius in the house?! It's an emergency!"" *I start to get up from table* *wife discretely stops me* *I silently agree with wife*"

"I accidentally called it an eternity scarf instead of an infinity scarf and now I have to drink my Starbucks outside."

"What did Yoda say when he watched Star Wars on Blu-Ray? HDMI"

"Why do tampons have strings? So crabs can go bungee jumping"

"Condom Q. What did the penis say to the condom? A. ""Cover me. I'm going in."""

"Trump is a blonde He has yellow hair! Wocka wocka!"