196060

Joke of the Day

"What is worse than a dead baby in a garbage bag? A dead baby in two garbage bags."

"Helen Keller walks into a bar And a chair...and a table"

"Dad said I need to be the rock for a friend who is having a tough time. Currently practicing that eyebrow thing & wrestling moves."

"When I was your age... When I was your age, before the Internet, there was none of this e-bola. We just had plain bola. And you know what? We were thankful."

"How many dead hookers does it take to change a lightbulb? Well it ain't three cause my basement is still dark."

"I wish more religions took advantage of a vow of silence."

"Paris Hilton should make another sex tape with two black guys and call it [Niggas in Paris](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FfM_wS7qYfY)"

"I was interviewed today by a Far East Sultan to be a eunuch. He needs a eunuch to guard his harem of 365 women. What an ideal career!! Sadly, The Sultan told me I wasn't cut out for the job."

"Where do you see yourself in five years? Me: In a mirror probably unless new technology exists. [interviewer thinking] holy smokes he's good"

"[hunting] DAD: dont scare him ME: did u know we dump 16 tons of sewage into our waters every minute DEER: holy shit DAD: what did i just say"