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Joke of the Day

"[hunting] DAD: dont scare him ME: did u know we dump 16 tons of sewage into our waters every minute DEER: holy shit DAD: what did i just say"

"Every ghost story ever I walked into my house, and fell asleep. It was then, 3 hours later, I woke up and realized... I don't have a house"

"I don't believe in mythical creatures like dragons, unicorns, Lock Ness Monster, drama free women. Just joking, I believe in Nessie."

"What does a cab driver have in common with a pool cue ball? The harder you hit them, the more english you get out."

"What did the wheat say to the man with the scythe? ""I yield!"""

"[NSFW] Why don't pedophiles ever win races? They're always coming in a little behind."

"What's the favorite subject of young witches at school? Spelling."

"James Bond went to get a haircut. The barber asked him if he wanted to dye his hair as well. Bond replied ""Dye another day."""

"A survey was held on what citizens of the United Kingdom thought of the new DOOM game... The overwhelming response was ""bloody hell"""

"I yell ""5 second rule""when ever a girl sits on the ground."