195947

Joke of the Day

"The residents of Mayberry took a course in computer programming. Whenthe instructor said, ""Compile,"" Gomer went to the head of the class."

"What do you call a fat woman with a rape whistle? Optimistic"

"What's the difference between a thief who steals timepieces and a man at a strip club? One snatches watches and the other watches snatches."

"Teacher: Why are you late!? Me: There was a man who lost a $100 bill..Teacher: That's nice. Were you helping him look for it? Me: No, I was standing on it until he fucked off."

"What's the atheist's view on God? Nahweh."

"""Welcome to the jungle"" Thanks. ""We've got fun and games"" Cool. ""You're in the jungle"" We've established this ""You're gonna die!"" Wait what?"

"What do you call a female sex change? An add-a-dick-to-me."

"I would like to give thanks to the brave men and women who died a long time ago tasting which plants were edible and which plants were not."

"What did the gay guy with Alzheimer's ask his partner? Where did I drop the soap?"

"I've concluded English is my phone's second language. It's the only explanation for all the bizarre autocorrects and typos that plague me."