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Joke of the Day

"Me and my Pink Floyd cover band played at an Epilepsy Awareness Concert... ... we absolutely killed!"

"How can a blind person tell if they're home? They check the architexture."

"I was having trouble with my phone... So I took it to the phone store, and let me tell you! The service was great in there!"

"The way I deal with my drinking problems is every time I want a drink I go to the gym. They have a bar there."

"What do you call a Russian wearing a head scarf, a balaclava and a helmet? Anything you want. He can't hear a thing."

"Do you know why I love working out? Because I always feel like a weight has been lifted."

"if jesus died for our sin... Who died for our cos and tan?"

"[talking to life insurance agent] Let me get this right. I pay you until I die, then someone ELSE gets the money? No thanks."

"I was reminiscing at my old school's library... looking back at my shelf."

"Just once I want a man to sweep me off my feet and carry me to bed WITHOUT all the groaning, swearing and yelling out ""DEAR GOD MY BACK!"""