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Joke of the Day

"Sex! Of course you don't get it."

"What's the difference between a male and a female? (Just hear me out.) Iron."

"What's the difference between Santa and Justin Beiber? Santa stops at 3 Ho's"

"JUDGE: so u plan to plead insanity? ME: let me double-check with my counsel *moves 2 ft over, puts on tie, nods* ME: thats correct ur honor"

"It only takes one drink to get me drunk The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or fourteenth."

"What do you get when you cryogenically freeze a genetic copy of basketball legend Kareem Abdul Jabbar? An ice Kareem clone"

"TL; DR: Action hero references Oedipus Die Hard's John McClane and his catchphrase . . ."

"A woman has breast implant made from an old oak tree. This made her breasts enormous. This joke would be funny if it had a punchline. Wooden tit?"

"I commend any woman for going into labor outside a hospital setting. If I have to poop anywhere besides my own bathroom I go into panic mode"

"Winds of 108mph, structural damage, flying debris, massive depression, icy blasts, communication difficulties, untold misery and suffering... Yes, I forgot our anniversary again."