195670

Joke of the Day

"What has four legs, is big, green, fuzzy, and if it fell out of a tree on top of you would kill you? A pool table."

"The neighbor's wife is gonna be so happy when she sees how much yardwork he got done today. -I think, laying out in a bikini in my backyard"

"[zoo] Hey dad, where are mountain lions from? *dad panics* -Uhh...you see, son, when a mountain and a lion love each other very much..."

"I told the doctor I had to see him right away because I thought I was shrinking. He said he was busy and I'd just have to be a little patient."

"Me (to a baby): Hush little baby don't say a word. Momma's gonna buy you a mocking bird Mom: like hell I'll buy that kid anything.."

"Why couldn't the scientist understand what the photon was saying? Because the photon was incoherent."

"What do you call a midget psychic wanted for murder? A small medium at large."

"Did you hear about the Mexican train robber? He really had loco-motives."

"Hardcore I've just changed my first nappy. My wife doesn't like me wearing them but since I bought Call of Duty it means I get more game time."

"when is it okay to punch a midget?(X-post fron r/meanjokes) When he stands next to your girlfriend and says that her hair smells nice."