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Joke of the Day

"The neighbor's wife is gonna be so happy when she sees how much yardwork he got done today. -I think, laying out in a bikini in my backyard"

"Why did the hipster fail chemistry? He thought the bond was ironic."

"On his deathbed, a man is asked if he wants anything said at his funeral. ""Oh look, he's moving."""

"A polite German who never showers walks into a cathouse... ...and does his buisness. All the women then commented on how he had quite a ""gru dich."""

"I really need to find a boyfriend. Guy at poker table was like ""This is my girlfriend, Kayla,"" and I was like, ""This is my sandwich, Ham."""

"What do you get when you cross a millipede with a parrot? A Walkie Talkie"

"Life is like a penis. It's soft and squishy until a girl comes along and makes it hard."

"The downside of studying law: you think a lawsuit is the solution to all problems. *resists from threatening Dominos for not giving oregano*"

"""WHAT ARE WE TO TELL THE CHILDREN ABOUT GAYS MARRYING?"" Dunno. I'll ask my 5-year-old, who just married her stuffed bear to a stuffed pony."

"What do you get when you combine a watch and a bottle of beer? A really good watch."