36523

Joke of the Day

"[zoo] Hey dad, where are mountain lions from? *dad panics* -Uhh...you see, son, when a mountain and a lion love each other very much..."

"Think smoking's ""COOL""? What if I do it in a leather jacket? ""COOL"" now? On a Harley? Still ""COOL""? While I kiss this model? Is that ""COOL""?"

"I tried to donate blood to the Red Cross the other day... ...but they wouldn't accept it in a 5 gallon bucket. They also said it had to be mine."

"I tried to catch fog yesterday. Mist"

"I'm on a whiskey diet. I've already lost three days."

"Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman? Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you."

"I just got fired, because my boss caught me masturbating with a vegetable Apparently, nursing homes have ""strict rules"" around what you can do with the patients."

"I like my women like I like my whiskey.. 19 years old & full of coke.."

"What do you call a baker with red hair? A ginger bread man"

"Teaching 19 to cook, clean, and do laundry so if he ever gets married his wife won't divorce him and make him my responsibility again."