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Joke of the Day

"when is it okay to punch a midget?(X-post fron r/meanjokes) When he stands next to your girlfriend and says that her hair smells nice."

"I bought a vacuum cleaner six months ago and so far all it's been doing is gathering dust."

"What time did the man go to the dentist? Tooth hurt-y."

"To follow up on the Java/C# joke... Q: Why did the Java Developer quit his job? A: Because he didn't get arrays."

"I have sloth-like reflexes ""Don't you mean catlike reflexes?"" [several hours later] No"

"What's black and sits at the top of the stairs? Stephen Hawkings in a house fire."

"Me: I am sad, we don't have any cookie crumble for my ice cream. Wife: lots of things make me sad, like being married to a giant man baby"

"I like my coffee how I like my women With big tits"

"Helium walks into a bar. The bar tender says when don't serve nobles here. He didn't react."

"Did you know you can break your nose if you squint hard enough? I did it on the bus today and some Asian guy punched me in the face!"