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Joke of the Day

"I think parents are incredibly selfish and rude for having additional children without first consulting their existing child. "

"Have you heard about corduroy pillows? They're making headlines."

"With the brexit news, they say the pound is failing. They're calling it the ounce, now."

"I just bought a really expensive car, only to find the reverse gear broken. There's no going back now."

"How well did Jackson Pollock do in art class? He passed it with flying colors. /heyo"

"Oh, it's your ""birthday month?"" That's nice, grown adult. I hope you don't survive it."

"How many dyslexics does it change to light a take bulb?"

"[on a date] I've got butterflies in my stomach ""that's so cute. You dont have to be nervous"" [flashback to me eating some butterflies] ok"

"Why couldn't 5 stop drinking? Because it was 2 turnt up"

"Top three reasons he doesn't text you back: 1. He's just not that into you 2. He's imaginary 3. He's a cat"