57000

Joke of the Day

"Top three reasons he doesn't text you back: 1. He's just not that into you 2. He's imaginary 3. He's a cat"

"3849. Buying picture frame. 3850. Changing batteries in flashlight. 3851. The X-Games. 3852. Scotch tape. (List of most exciting things.)"

"What do you get when you mix blood and piss? Bliss!"

"What do you call a deer with no eyes? Noeyedeer."

"Just heard a lady in Target scream ""WE DON'T BUY THINGS JUST TO BUY THINGS"" at her kids and now I kinda wish she'd have a talk with me also."

"they used to allow cell phones on airplames but the pasengers kept textimg the pilots to do loop-de-loops & barrel rols. it was too rad"

"You know how I deal with migraines? I store them in migranary."

"Barista: How do you take your coffee? Me: Seriously. Very seriously."

"What did they call Hitler after he lost his hair? The Bald Eagle..... I'm here all day folks"

"What did the Russian people light their houses with before they started using candles? Electricity."