195053

Joke of the Day

"Most young lives are lost not because of seat belts, but because the defibrillator needs you to sign into Facebook first."

"In a marriage it's always a competition to see who can look busier, hence why I sighed and shook my head repeatedly while writing this."

"There are two ways of arguing with a woman And neither one works."

"TIL that in the PC version of GTA V there's a new keyboard shortcut which when you press it will cause your character to kill minorities Alt+Right"

"Why was the toilet paper in East Germany so harshly? So every asshole would turn red."

"It puts the lotion in the basket. Then it calls the wife to make sure it's the right brand so it doesn't get the hose again."

"""I sure hope that was a cracker"" -Me eating in the dark."

"Meat, eggs, and a blow job: which one doesn't belong? A blow job, because you can beat your eggs, you can beat your meat, but you can't beat a blow job!"

"What does a gynecologist and a pizza delivery boy have in common? They can both smell it but can't eat it."

"How many grammar mistakes does it take to piss off your English teacher? not alot. (Just thought of it, tell me what you think :) )"