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Joke of the Day

"Twitter is my serious account, the funny one is my bank account."

"The best job ever? Sleeping Beauty at Disney World. You just lay down all day. If anyone bothers you, it's like excuse me, I'm working here."

"Women v/s men"

"I'm thinking of becoming a yoga instructor... but I know know how I'm going to support myself."

"""Dad I want to be a feminist when I grow up"" ""Well, pick one honey, you can't do both"""

"What is the definition of delusional? A bloke finishes fucking his blow up doll, rolls over and says was that as good for you as it was for me?"

"Why does Barbie never get pregnant........? Because Ken came in another box"

"did you hear about the canadian who stole gold? It was a buttload, too!"

"I heard the band Europe wrote a song about the days leading to the end-of-semester exams. It was the finals countdown. :D"

"What did people say after two satellite dishes got married? The wedding was dull, but the reception was great."