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Joke of the Day

"Important stuff. If an orange is called an orange, then how come lemon is not called yellow?"

"A girl who I've been seeing goes to sleep early. But that's mostly from the chloroform."

"woman vs Food would be a very boring show where she gazes wistfully at the dessert menu and sighs."

"What do you call a business that doesn't sell Apple's sea monster? A bus"

"[Wildebeest being lowered Mission Impossible-style from a helicopter to graze the grasses of Buckingham Palace]"

"But how come Tarzan didn't have a beard?"

"What's the difference between jam and marmalade.... You can't marmalade your cock, up a girls' ass!"

"What's the first thing you should do when confronted by an evil spirit? Try to neghostiate."

"How much does a pirate pay for corn? A buccaneer!"

"My friend was worried about the results of his HIV test, so I told him to assume he was going to die. I don't see why he got angry at me though, I was just want him to be negative."