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Joke of the Day

"Why do people get divorced in the holiday season? Because they Marry Christmas!"

"Sarah Palin being on a climate change panel with Bill Nye is like Sarah Palin being on a climate change panel with Bill Nye."

"I think tomorrow I'm going to respond to everyone using only lyrics from songs by The Dead Deads. Wish me some luck at the DMV."

"It is possible to chew and swallow $80 of shrooms in the length of time it takes the cop to walk from his car to yours."

"In high school, people called me ""Superman"" due to my light eyes and physical build. Also because I wore my underwear on top of my pants."

"I'd like to schedule a disappointment."

"*job interview* so tell me a fun fact about yourself Guy: well when I was 5 I fell into the Cincinnati Zoo gorilla exh- get the hell out"

"whats the difference between your sister and a mosquito? The mosquito stops sucking after you slap it"

"Would an unfulfilled beer ad bikini model... be known as a sadder Budweiser girl?"

"What would Voldemort name his pet tortoise ? Voldetort."