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Joke of the Day

"This looks like a job for.. *I rip open my jacket* Jacket Repair Man! *I sew my jacket back together*"

"Time zones are amazing! Here in New Zealand it's tomorrow, in America it's yesterday and in North Korea it's 1980."

"Warning: Game of Thrones Spoilers Will make your car look fucking stupid"

"Research has shown that girls do NOT go to Jupiter to get more stupider. They actually go to Venus. For uh, *shuffles papers* for stuff"

"[In a cucumber submarine] 1st mate: *inspecting leak* we're taking on saltwater captain Cptn: hm yes looks like we're in quite the pickle"

"[airport] For $800 more you can upgrade to Arctic Class What's that? Same as coach but the flight staff is penguins [slaps table] SOLD"

"A blonde was watching the news and saw that two Brazilian skydivers died in a horrific accident. She responds with, ""two Brazilian? Is that more than a billion?""."

"What do you call the delivery boy at an Indian restaurant? Curry-er."

"I fell asleep & my cat ate the crackers I left on the table. To teach him a lesson, I ate all his Friskies while he's sleeping on the couch."

"what after c? deez nut!"