194048

Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between my dick and my shot gun? my daughter didn't cry when the gun went off in her mouth!"

"How are children like cellphones? If you've lost one and haven't found it in a couple days, chances are it's probably dead."

"Who is Monica Lewinsky's favorite football player? Clinton-Dix"

"*Cop yells at dog* LADY WHAT ARE U DOING *dog continues to give birth* THATS IT UR GETTING A TICKET FOR *looks directly at camera* LITTERING"

"What do Jewish pedophiles say? ""Hey kid, want to buy some candy?"""

"What do you call people so good at their jobs, they retire because they did everything? The mythbusters and ghostbusters."

"Who has to always be on there toes? A midget at a urinal."

"If I get married, I'd take my wife to a deserted island on our honeymoon. On our 15th anniversary, I'd return to pick her up. Maybe."

"Knock Knock Whos there Ellen Ellen who? Ellen Pao Oh k lol stay out."

"I grilled some chicken today... What a waste of time. He still wouldn't tell me why he crossed the road."