30354

Joke of the Day

"*Cop yells at dog* LADY WHAT ARE U DOING *dog continues to give birth* THATS IT UR GETTING A TICKET FOR *looks directly at camera* LITTERING"

"Why doesn't Kermit the Frog like elephants ? They always want to play leap frog with him"

"Why did the one-fifth go to the masseuse? Because he was two-tenths"

"It is nearly impossible to find an eye doctor on an Alaskan island. They are all optical Aleutians."

"What font is used for alphabet soup. Times New Ramen"

"I've been thinking about manufacturing and selling landmines disguised as prayer mats... ...prophets would go through the roof!"

"Found my first gray pubic hair. The people in line with me at the market were not nearly as impressed as I was."

"They're calling the Patriot thing ""Deflategate?"" I was hoping they'd go with ""Ball-o-caust."""

"Yo mama so fat... ... slapping her belly causes gravitational waves. OR ... every step she takes causes a ripple in special relativity."

"I put Red Bull in the hummingbird feeder. I'm pretty sure I just saw one go back in time..."