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Joke of the Day

"Did you hear about the vampire who joined an orchestra? He stood on the roof and conducted lightning."

"How ""thoughts of suicide"" became an acceptable drug side effect: ""How do you feel?"" ""I kind of want to kill myself."" ""Ok."""

"Wipes away your tears using three precise karate chops."

"WIFE: Don't embarrass me in front of my boss, he's colorblind ME: Duh [later at party] ME: [to boss] So when did you learn Colorbraille?"

"How did the hipster burn their tongue? They drank their tea before it was cool."

"What do you call a black guy flying a plane A pilot you RACIST!"

"What's the difference between Usain Bolt and Hitler? Usain Bolt can finish a race."

"""What are you reading?"" Great Expectations. ""Is it any good?"" It's not all I hoped for."

"I posted a selfie and someone commented ""Oh my! That was brave.""."

"An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar... The number of occupants exceeds the maximum allowable number for fire safety, and thus the bartender throws them out."