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Joke of the Day

"[restaurant] ME: Excuse me, this alphabet soup tastes funny WAITER: Well it is Comic Sans"

"My inflatable girlfriend always looks surprised when I walk into the room."

"I don't need a pair of underwear, I just need one clean underwear."

"What kind of music did Jesus hate? Anything by Judas Priest and Nine Inch Nails."

"Did you hear about the useful kid who jerks off too much? He cums in handy"

"Toyota's solution for sticky gas pedal - shorten driver's right leg"

"Golfer: ""I'd move heaven and earth to be able to break 100 on this course."" Caddy: ""Try heaven. You've already moved most of the earth."""

"So I was sitting in traffic the other day... got run over."

"Life advice: If someone ever tells you ""I'll be there in thirty minutes"", you should ALWAYS respond with ""You've got twenty"" and hang up."

"I recently started remodeling my house and quickly got in over my head, so I decided to get some professional help. I also hired a contractor to work on my house."