191158

Joke of the Day

"Golfer: ""I'd move heaven and earth to be able to break 100 on this course."" Caddy: ""Try heaven. You've already moved most of the earth."""

"Extra virgin olive oil is just olive oil who got dating advice from me."

"My girlfriend complained that I never listen to her. At least that's what I think she said."

"A man walked into a bar and took a girl home. What drink did he have at home? A bloody Mary."

"Why do noses run and feet smell?"

"What's the Titanic's Favorite Holiday? Sink-o de Mayo."

"When I see people jogging outside I like to drive slowly down the road behind them blasting ""Eye of the Tiger"" just to give them motivation."

"piss me off and I'll put you on my kid's school fundraiser mailing lists"

"[announcement over PA at work] ""FREE TACOS IN THE BREAKROOM"" *I walk there so fast the noise from my corduroys breaks everyone's eyeglasses*"

"I can count on one hand the number of times I've blown four of my fingers off with illegal fireworks."