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Joke of the Day

"The worst time to find out your parents are dead is probably right after you've taken a large hit from helium balloon."

"I could make a sandwich before a British person finishes saying ""et cetera."""

"Clearly, there was once a dangerous alternative to Safeway."

"Why do Native Americans make good strippers? No matter where they are, they'll always make it rain when they dance."

"How do you know that the drum riser is level? The drummer dribbles out of both corners of his mouth"

"Who do you think was sent to cover the story of the baby lion born in the zoo? A cub reporter."

"The Snooze Button: because your first act of the day should be procrastination."

"I wouldn't recommend eating German sausage... It's the wurst!"

"Cop: Maybe it's your driving. Maybe you're drunk. Me: Maybe it's Maybelline."

"*drops pizza slice on the floor Hey can I get another slice? *eats slice that fell on the floor then eats new slice"