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Joke of the Day

"My wife thinks I'm cheating on her with our babysitter... I think she's just bitter because she's never been able to have kids..."

"I remember the difference between vertical and horizontal because vertical gives you vertigo and horizontal because whores get laid."

"So the bus driver said to the string ""Are you a string?"" and the string said ""No I'm afraid not"". (A frayed knot)."

"My sister went on a crash diet. Is that why she looks a wreck ?"

"How did the hipster burn his tongue? He took a sip of his coffee before it was cool."

"Two Scottish guys discussing a wedding.. First guys asks ""What are ye wearing to yer weddin'?"" Second fella says ""A kilt of course!"" First fella ""What's the tartin?"" ""She's wearing white"" says his pal"

"What happens to the losers of the tv show The Biggest Loser? They're made to feel like the smallest person in the world."

"Did you know a man gets run over by a car in New York City every five minutes? Whoa, he should really get out of the road!"

"I don't believe Prince Andrew paid for an underage sex slave. That bastard's never paid for anything in his life."

"What do you call a computer that only plays sad songs? Adele"