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Joke of the Day

"I got told at church last Sunday that I should love my neighbour as I love myself. He wasn't very happy when I tried to wank him off."

"A woman is like a suitcase: both hard to carry and a pity to throw away."

"I eat when I'm sad and I'm sad because I'm fat."

"The first Matrix director coming out as a trans-woman felt bold, unexpected and original.... .... the second one? Ehh... not so much."

"what happens if you drink 3.14 liters of water? you will Pi ss"

"Helium walks into a bar The bartender says, ""We don't serve your kind here"". Helium had no reaction."

"I wish I could trade my heart for another liver, so I could drink more and care less."

"What's the best part of a movie? The climax."

"I bought some shoes of a drug dealer, I don't know what he laced them with but I've been tripping all day."

"Lately people have been trying to get me to jump off a dock But I don't give into pier pressure."