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Joke of the Day

"I could never run for a political office I'm too out of shape. I could, however, waddle for a political office"

"When it comes to making jokes about heart palpitations I never skip a beat"

"science jokes two chemists walk into a bar, the first one says ""I'll have H20"" the second one says ""I'll have H20 two"" the second chemist dies.how did he die? tell me in the comments"

"question about god? if god can do anything can he do nothing?"

"""OPEN UP, THIS IS THE POLICE!"" haha, no way losers. I've got things to do. *cop whispering* ""what do we do? this guy is owning us hard!"""

"If I was on death row I'd request my own heart as my last meal. But they wouldn't be able to extract it til they killed me: Catch 22. I walk"

"""Daddy, am I going to die someday?"" ""No, you're the only immortal being in the entire world. Goodnight, stupid."""

"Knock knock. Who's there? A puerile, often racist subreddit run on dad jokes."

"I only smoke for the health tips from complete motherfucking strangers"

"Rio is full of liars, cheaters, thieves, and drug abusers. And that's just the athletes."