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Joke of the Day

"Anyone know any good optometry jokes? All the ones I know are cornea."

"Gonna start rapping about women's rights... Call me Feminem."

"*opens kitchen drawer* Me: Whoa, what's with all the whisks? Sir-Mix-a-Lot: Why you judgin me?"

"Pro tip: When quickly pulling into your garage to avoid your neighbor be sure your garage door is all the way up."

"What's the difference between the Serengeti and the White House? In the Serengeti there are African lions, but in the White House there's a lyin' African."

"Yelling at me for warming towels in the oven is not going to get the fire department here any faster."

"What does a libertarian apparition say to the cops? ""Am I free to ghost?"""

"What is the most sensitive part of a man's body while he is masturbating? His ears."

"100% legal to pay a kid to punch another kid in the face."

"What's the difference between a drunk driver, and a stoned driver? The drunk driver will drive right through a stop sign. The stoned driver will stop and wait for it to turn green."