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Joke of the Day

"*Husband using Ouija board after I've died* Please answer me *arrow moves* ""It's on the top shelf. Right there. RIGHT THERE! Use your eyes!"""

"What did the fish say when it swam into a wall? Dam!"

"Why did Helen Keller play the piano with one hand? Because she used the other to sing"

"It's 80 degrees in San Francisco today. Girls are wearing skirts so short you can almost see their dicks."

"My neighbor asked me to keep an eye on his house while he's out of town. I've already texted him ""Your house isn't on fire"" 42 times."

"GF: What a perfect night ME: It gets better *bends on 1 knee* Will you... GF: OMG yes! ME: *puts Space Jam DVD on her finger* put this in?"

"If you're going to bother Google with a search, it is polite to type ""excuse me"" first."

"What did the doctor say to the angry midget? ""I'm going to ask you to be a little patient."""

"So a clown gets eaten by a shark..."

"vote for me if ew like it watsup boring.facebook fucking.viber irritating.tango disgusting.skype ignoring. google porn'in ....lyf is complicated."