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Joke of the Day

"My son came to my crying today and said, ""Dad, when you are at work, Uncle Dave touches me."" Couldn't believe it.. My own son... A fucking snitch"

"I have an EpiPen. My friend gave it to me while he was dying. It seemed really important to him that I have it."

"""Yes mam that'll be $1200"" ""Just to remove a cassette tape that's stuck?"" ""Ma'm, it's in your CD player"""

"What is the difference between 9/11 and a cow? You stop milking a cow after 10 years."

"You know what I like to do? Answer my own questions."

"What's the difference between Wisconsin women and Iowa trash? At least the Iowa trash gets taking out once a week."

"Why did the piece of gum cross the road? It was stuck to the chicken."

"Teacher to russian student: Boris, beware, I have eyes in my back! russian student: What Are you braging about? I came from Chernobyl, I had a tail!"

"what is better than roses on your piano? tulips on your organ"

"My apartment looks like a Sims house before you figure out the cheat code for unlimited money."