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Joke of the Day

"""Yes mam that'll be $1200"" ""Just to remove a cassette tape that's stuck?"" ""Ma'm, it's in your CD player"""

"Johnny Depp is to Tim Burton what Tyler Perry is to Tyler Perry."

"I only smoke for the health tips from complete motherfucking strangers"

"You can get out of jury duty on the first day by blatantly winking at the defendant as you give them a double thumbs up."

"I've come to the conclusion that these Paul Walker jokes aren't funny... Cause I called his family and told them 5 of my BEST ones. They didn't laugh at ANY of them."

"A butterfly just landed on the tip of my cigarette & exploded.nWhat in the hell do they put in butterflys?"

"To catch chlamydia, you have to think like chlamydia."

"Interviewer: I don't see a phone # for your reference Me: he is a duck I feed bread to at the park you will have to speak to him directly"

"I didn't send Christmas cards this year, what with the economy and all. Mostly I'm just lazy, but blaming the economy is so much more fun."

"Prison counts as a gated community, right?"