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Joke of the Day

"I've been hearing noises in the house for a while now and while Twitter was down last night I discovered I have a wife!"

"I like to steal pictures of people's breakfast and post them again I guess you could say I'm a cereal reposter"

"Careful! Angry dog in the backyard! Please do not crush him."

"An Italian classics professor... ...goes to a tailor to get his trousers mended. The tailor asks: ""Euripides?"" The professor replies: ""Yes. Eumenides?"""

"I always wondered why my girlfriend's ex had his fist clenched when he saw me with her. Then it hit me."

"What did the leper say to the prostitute? ""Keep the tip!"""

"lf you can only be good at one thing, be good at cheating....because if you're good at cheating, you're good at everything."

"What do you give an elephant with big feet ? Plenty of room !"

"Did you hear about the new Voat mobile app? It's called Reddit Was Fun."

"My longest relationship was when an Uber driver took me all the way to the airport once."