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Joke of the Day

"Careful! Angry dog in the backyard! Please do not crush him."

"I don't have any of friends to share my video game screenshots with... Because I play video games."

"What do you get if you cross teeth with candy ? Dental floss !"

"PASTOR: and the lord said unto uscan u stop please? it's very distracting ME: [bouncing up & down on yoga ball] i don't think he said that"

"It blows my mind that people walk around acting like Steve Harvey won't jump out from behind a bush at any moment & murder them."

"Did you know Thailand has a military? It does a good job of separating the ladyboys from the ladymen."

"why did Bob quit working at the toilet paper factory? Because he was tired of working with assholes all day"

"A Brit, a Jew and a Canadian. So a Brit, a Jew and a Canadian are sitting in bar. The jew lifts his head from his drink and says, ""I just don't know anymore, does america got talent?"""

"Keep your friends close and your enemies in the freezer."

"How are children like eggs? They both taste better after you beat them."