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Joke of the Day

"Minister: if anyone objects to this unio- Me: *raptor call* Groom: *raptor call* Guests: *chorus of raptor calls* *Bride gets devoured*"

"Knuckle tats: (I)(M)(H)(U)(N)(G)(R)(Y)"

"I used to make arrow in the knee jokes... ..."

"*looks at watch* come on, I gotta get back to browsing the same four websites over and over"

"Better than a Justin Bieber concert: 1. Being deaf. 2. A rattlesnake bite. 3. Chewing razor blades. 4. Licking a public toilet seat."

"What's dumber than a box of rocks? The hippie carrying it. What's dumber than that? The yuppie buying it. What's dumber than that? The box of rocks"

"What do you call a fish that stands out? Out of plaice."

"How many paranoids does it take to change a lightbulb? Who wants to know?"

"USDA approves shipment of marijuana-fed cows' beef Analytical studies show that the steaks are high"

"What can you sit on, brush your teeth with, and eat soup with? A chair, a toothbrush, and a spoon."