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Joke of the Day

"What can you sit on, brush your teeth with, and eat soup with? A chair, a toothbrush, and a spoon."

"Why did the chicken cross the road? To meet Adele (Hello from the other side)"

"*slams fists on coffee table* WHAT WAS SCAR FROM LION KINGS NAME BEFORE HE GOT THE SCAR"

"My girlfriend called me a pedophile I told her that's a big word for a 7 year old"

"I don't always roll a joint... But when I do it's my ankle."

"Why couldn't the troll catch any fish? Because other people took the bait."

"Best Boss to Employee Convo Boss: Have you typed the paper I needed yet? Employee: I'm sorry, I don't know how to type paper. Boss: I'll help you, but the paper might be pink."

"Dear bed, I'm SO sorry I left you. I don't know what I was thinking. Please take me back."

"I wrote a status about unemployment earlier, but didn't post it. It needs some work."

"Not quite feeling myself today. I'm going to see if booze helps..."