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Joke of the Day

"Charles Dickens walks into a bar He orders a martini. The bartender asks, ""olive or twist?"""

"I fell in love with a cannibal And then she stole my heart"

"Why did the kid steal the fan? He wanted to be cool."

"I believe meat is murder, vegetables are burglary, bread is mail fraud and dairy is impersonating a police officer."

"I'd tell a chemestry joke but I'm afraid I wouldn't get a reaction."

"Gay guys in wheelchairs are like tomatoes. Are they a fruit, or are they a vegetable?"

"Why do Jews watch porno movies in reverse? Because they like the part where the hooker gives the money back to the guy."

"I'm so hungover that my thoughts sound like Sylvester Stallone."

"Airport receptionist: anything to declare? Me: how bout these guns? *flexes* Her: OH GOD HE'S GOT GUNS! Me: wait.. I was.. Her: HELP!! AGH!"

"shave your dog in the winter so he stands out in the crowd. if you lose him u can easily describe him as the cold bald dog"