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Joke of the Day

"IDEA: Ban fabric softener & harness the resulting static electricity to end dependence on foreign oil. You're welcome, Obama"

"Of course your milkshake brings the boys to the yard. What boy doesn't love milkshakes? If your asparagus brought em, then I'd be impressed."

"Why do Republicans hate lotion? Because the directions say to apply it liberally."

"Sex jokes are not funny. I mean cum on people."

"If you think Phil Robertson (the Duck Dynasty guy) has offensive view regarding homosexuality, or slavery... You should hear his answers regarding evolution, climate change, or 8 plus 9."

"""Hi I can't remember the name of this actress.You know her, she's in that movie you saw. She's got that hair."" -actual message from my mom"

"What did the Sewage Worker say to his apprentice? Urine for a surprise. ^^^^^sorry"

"Everyone always makes fun of my man purse until I bust out a flask of whiskey, a bag of weed, a bong, milk, cookies and a cheese platter."

"Did you hear about the cannibal that went to the rock concert? He heard there was a Jimmy Buffet."

"My daughter's boyfriend left his wallet here. I put girls names & numbers in it. Later today I'll ask my daughter if he has change for a $20"