192257

Joke of the Day

"Yo mamma is so ugly when she tried to join an ugly contest they said, ""Sorry, no professionals."""

"When I get home the first thing I'm going to do is rip my wife's panties off. Because they're too small and the elastic is killing me."

"Just ate two bacon cheeseburgers, so if anyone wants to come rob me, I won't be getting up."

"I've never wanted to know the answer to anything bad enough to ask a question at the end of a meeting that's running 30 minutes over time."

"What did the father buffalo say to his son going off to college? Bison."

"[Giving a toast] ""It was when I was entering blackout that I realized I forgot the Plan B at home. Happy 1st birthday, you little accident."""

"Restaurant Hostess: ""Sorry about the wait."" Me: ""It's okay, you don't need to apologize for being overweight."""

"What do a dead fish and dog shit have in common? They are both front-page material on reddit"

"What's the difference between a plumber and a scientist? Pronounce this word: unionized"

"Due to those 5 extra minutes of sleep I got because of the snooze button I'm not even tired anymore Said no one ever!"