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Joke of the Day

"When I get home the first thing I'm going to do is rip my wife's panties off. Because they're too small and the elastic is killing me."

"I've limited my friends to 3 people that know how to split a dinner bill w/o causing a fiasco and life has been awesome since."

"A woman, a Jew, and a Hispanic walk into a bar. The bartender says, ""What's this, a presidential election?"""

"Sure she mainly used knife emojis but at least she replied to your text."

"I think the thing that really gets me hard is increased blood flow to my penis."

"McD's drive thru: Welcome back. Me: Welcome back? That's pretty presumptuous. MDT: ... M: ... MDT: The usual? Me: Yeah. Thanks Brenda."

"Two termites walk into a pub... A waitress asks if she can help them. ""No,"" they say, ""We'd just like to know, is the bar tender here?"""

"Old Chinese proverb: Man who not shower in 7 days makes one reek."

"Windows 7, windows 8, windows 10, Why did they skip 9? Because, 7 8 9..."

"Wife: It's date night! Me: So, a movie, and... You still have that school uniform? W: Yes. *winks* M: Maybe you can get a student discount."