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Joke of the Day

"Luke got Darth Vader a Christmas Present. Darth Vader: Luke... I know what you got me for Christmas... Luke: Nooo! No! No!! How could you possibly know?!?! Darth Vader: I felt your presents."

"Facebook: You have more friends on Facebook than you think. Me: You have higher expectations than you think."

"DRAKE: I'll drop the best album of 2016. BEYONCE: Nah. DRAKE: The best album of... April? BEYONCE: Nah. DRAKE: Please don't do this to me."

"Bear of bad news: Hey, sport. You might wanna be sitting down. Ready? Oh god how do I put this? I'm gonna have to maul the shit out of you."

"I started a band called 999 megabytes 6 months ago. We still haven't got a single gig."

"Kum & go Ejaculate & evacuate"

"I'm terrified That I might be a hypochondriac"

"Why did the strawberry cross the road? There was a traffic jam."

"Ahhhhh A man was taking a crap and the water splashed his butt and he yelled ahhh toilet monster and ran out in the middle of the road butt naked and got run over."

"There were two guys fishing... Suddenly a hedgehog passes by and asks them: -""Hey guys do you have any glue""? They answer no and he leaves. Ten minutes later he comes back. -""I brought some"""