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Joke of the Day

"QUESTION: How long does a United States Congressman serve? ANSWER: Until he gets caught."

"Rabbits are either running or being a statue. You never see a rabbit strolling."

"Some delivery guy knocked on my door today and said, ""I have a parcel for your next door neighbour."" I replied, ""You've got the wrong house then, haven't you?"""

"We should hold a reddit-wide vote on whether or not to bring back the upvote/downvote counter. But how will we count the votes?"

"Two peanuts were walking down the street... ...one was a salted."

"So a man says to a woman, can I smell your vagina? Horrified, she slaps him and screams ""NO""! He rubs his cheek and says, ""I guess it must be your feet then."""

"Oh, you like Five Guys hamburgers more than In-N-Out? *unfollows *blocks *stews *hires assassin on Craigslist *unblocks to monitor situation"

"How do you make a holy water? Put it in a pot and boil the hell out of it."

"Saw this advert in a window... It said ""television for sale,$1,volume stuck on full"".I thought,""I can't turn that down"""

"My friend said his dog could retrieve a stick from 5 miles away. That just seems a little far fetched to me."