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Joke of the Day

"genie: ""thats definitely your last wish?"" me: [smiles at my wife in wheelchair] ""yes"" genie: ""ok"" our dog: ""how can i talk all of a sudden?"""

"SATAN: I will tempt you into leaving the desert JESUS: Oh yeah I can't wait to get back to the place where everyone hates me and has leprosy"

"John McAfee's doing paper work to become president... Time for America to become bloated and slow..."

"How many..... How many alzheimers patients does it take to change a light bulb? To get to the other side"

"Did you here about that original joke? Neither did I."

"Wife: you're so damn forgetful! M: oh nonsense! W: ok, did you get the cat food? M: WE HAVE A CAT??"

"Would it be dangerous for a human to live 65 million years ago? You bet jurassic would."

"If I see someone trying to seize the day, I'll step in and try to save the day."

"When pearl jam comes on and you're like... It doesn't get Eddie Vedder than this"

"I keep photos of my wife and children in my wallet. They sit in the pockets where my money used to be."