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Joke of the Day

"If I see someone trying to seize the day, I'll step in and try to save the day."

"Stop telling jokes about Zionism. Israeli offensive."

"If a group of lions is called a pride, then a group of humans should be called an embarrassment."

"What did the monk say to the hot dog vendor? Make me one with everything."

"Friend: You thinking what I'm thinking? Me: It's bullshit there weren't schools from other continents in the Triwizard Tournament? F: ...."

"What's the difference between a raccoon and a boner? I don't have a raccoon."

"Why did the boy not do his homework? he was ceebs"

"I'd never appear on Leno now because I have strict ethical standards, so next time you're watching Leno and you don't see me that's why."

"Tower: Have you got enough fuel or not? Pilot: Yes. Tower: Yes what?? Pilot: Yes SIR!"

"My wife is playing hard to get. Rid of."