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Joke of the Day

"Wife: you're so damn forgetful! M: oh nonsense! W: ok, did you get the cat food? M: WE HAVE A CAT??"

"I got a 2nd job..It's not official..I dress like a host at T.G.I.Fridays, then I pick up credit cards & say ""Be right back""..I don't go back"

"I went to my doctor. He said I was overweight. I said I want a second opinion. He said you're ugly too."

"Have you ever smelled molasses? How did you catch the little buggers?"

"I always like to keep $7000.00 on me in case I wanna stop at Whole Foods and get some fruit"

"What does a pirate wear if he works at Apple? iPatch"

"I don't always give her an orgasm, but when I do.. She spits it back at me."

"The shortest joke in the world 'Dwarf Shortages'"

"A bear walks into a bar and says to the bartender, ""I'll have a pint of beer and a.......... packet of peanuts."" The bartender asks, ""Why the big pause?"""

"Why did the storm trooper buy an iPhone? Because he couldn't find the Droid he was looking for."