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Joke of the Day

"I miss being a kid and playing cowboys and Indians. Now whenever I chase people around with a tomahawk I get arrested."

"I don't find dead comedians funny Probably because they're post-humourous."

"What did the hookers left leg say to the right leg? Between you and me, we can make a lot of money."

"Getting married next week I told my fiance I'll set a date the day I see the Queen jump out of a helicopter."

"Every time I go for a run I think ""why am I even doing this?"" Then I look back and see all the cops chasing me and it's like ""oh yeah, duh."""

"[desert island diary - day 1] 4:15 pm: Got one call out of my cell phone before it died. Now I wait. 5:25 pm: That pizza is definitely free"

"A man walked inside an interior decorators convention and everyone was laughing... He asked what's so funny. ""It's an inside joke""."

"Why couldn't the candle get any sleep? There's no rest for the wicked."

"Who are the greatest financiers in the bible? Noah, all his stock was afloat when the rest of the world was in liquidation, and Pharaohs' daughter, who went to the bank and found a little prophet."

"Y'know the trouble with nude dancing is that not everything stops when the music does."