191862
Joke of the Day
"wife: Can't we just buy a bigger catflap? me: [buttering the cat] We're not made of money, Karen"
Next Joke
"My wife's got that good at bonsai, we're having to move to a house with a smaller garden."
"Pretentious? Moi?"
"On your first day as a new parent, walk up to your baby and cry louder than it to assert your dominance."
"[cashier training, day 1] ""Be sure to comment on everything a customer buys. They love that."""
"So I just preordered a Jet Black IPhone.. Lol jk"
"I'm thinking of starting a youth foundation... I mean I've already got like 30 kids buried in my basement."
"THERAPIST: How does that make you feel? ME: ""Mphh mophh wampph."" T: Again, this works better if you don't lie face down on the couch."
"Do you know what the difference is between a white person and a black person that sell drugs? One is a pharmacist and one is a drug dealer!"
"new tattoo My wife has a new tattoo. its a shell on the inside of her thigh. when i put my ear to it i can smell the sea..."