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Joke of the Day

"[High school reunion] Hey guys! Remember me!? ""No"" How about now? *puts an entire toilet on my head* (in unison) CHRIS!"

"A deaf couple decide they want to break up... Boy: Girl: Boy: Girl: Boy: They went their separate ways and never heard from eachother again."

"My neighbours were listening to some pretty cool music until the arseholes asked me to turn it down."

"[Being kidnapped] Me: i can feel it.. Stockholm syndrome kidnapper: its been 10 minutes me: should we invite your brother to the wedding?"

"Which celebrity is great at creating probate documents? Will Smith"

"An Atheist, a Crossfiter, and a Vegan walk into a bar... ...and everybody knows."

"What do you call a Jamaican teacher at Hogwarts? De mentor."

"I sell property based in vietnam after WWII, people tell me i fucked up everyone there in the 60s My name is agent orange"

"What did one plane said to the other plane? Can I crash at your place?"

"Still disappointed that the only hard thing in my bed lately has been my mattress."